Meliora - Emanate - 12

[lady_mab]

Liala Darcy

If there’s one thing Lio and I are good at, it’s pretending that nothing is wrong.

Sure, it makes the silence between us fester and grow heavy with unspoken arguments, but it’s better than the alternative.

I'd much rather avoid an argument than participate in one.

Three days have come and gone since Rhys got on Lio’s case about sneaking off without discussing it with us, and Lio hasn’t said a single word about it. Instead, he’s been leaving each day for work and staying way later than he normally would simply to avoid me. Which means that he’s overworking himself, because he doesn’t have any friends to hang out with when not at home.

Neither of us do, because we are all we’ve ever needed.

The door slams shut and I hear my twin sigh. He is home earlier than I expected.

I’ve made up my mind that today I’m going to talk to him about this game. I’ve had enough sulking and pretending like there is not some giant elephant standing in the room.

I roll off the edge of my bed, and shuffle toward my door.

Lio appears in the doorway at the same time, and we stare at each other with startled expressions. For a brief heartbeat, it feels like I’m staring at a mirror. I wonder if he ever thinks the same.

“You’re home.”

It’s a bit of a struggle to bite back my automatic response. Of course I’m home. Where else would I be? “I want to talk.”

“Yeah, okay.”

My head shakes from side to side, frustration trying to take over my need to approach this rationally. “No, not okay. This isn’t okay. Rhys is very upset.”

He pauses, considering. “And you?”

“Of course I’m upset, Lio. This is just another tick in the column of ‘things my idiot twin brother does that involve me without consulting me’.”

His mouth opens, then snaps shut. I watch him gulp down whatever response he was going to give me.

My eyebrows lift, and I tilt my head to the side. “Do you have anything you would like to share with me, Lionel?”

I don’t miss the way he flinches. It’s normally only Rhys that refers to us by our full names. “I was able to back my way into the email to find the domain of the original sender,” he explains on an exhale. “It wasn’t anything fancy. Anyone with a bit of computer know-how could have done it.”

“I couldn’t have.”

“Okay, my type of computer know-how. “ He drums his fingers on his thighs, looking anywhere except at me. Lio huffs and fidgets under my undivided attention. “Can I see your phone?”

“What? Why?”

“I want to try and install the app for the game onto it.” This isn’t the answer that I was expecting from him, though I honestly didn’t know what he might have wanted my phone for. “When I went to the ALICE building to meet the hosts, I was able to poke around in their programming a bit as I opened up the digital tour. I think I know how to get around their app security.”

I bristle in response. I couldn’t even go on the event, because my phone would have been useless. But I remember Rhys having to go alone after he learned from Lio’s text that ALICE was indeed the host of this game.

Lio’s fingers wiggle impatiently before me. “So can I have your phone? It’s sort of important if you want to be able to participate in this, too.”

I snort, setting the phone down on my dresser with a satisfying snap. “You run on a completely different value system on what is considered ‘important’.”

“Lia--”

“No, not until you apologize--”

“Sorry--”

“--and mean it.” I level him with my best glare, one that I’ve observed Rhys using millions of times. It might have lost its effectiveness between my brothers, but Lio isn’t used to it coming from me.

There’s an extended period of silence. My fingers don’t lift from my phone, and Lio doesn’t make a move from my doorway.

“So?” I finally ask, hand on my hip and feeling a lot more powerful against him than I normally do.

A heavy breath leaves him deflated, and he scrubs his hands back through his hair in a frustrated ruffle. "I'm sorry, okay? I know I should have told you and Rhys from the beginning. I have no excuse for why I didn't say anything."

In all honesty, it's the closest I think I'll ever get to the apology I'm looking for. But I still don't relent. I wait, and watch him wriggle beneath my glare. "Why did you go?"

"I couldn't sit still." Even now, his hands wring together, fingers twisting and turning around one another in an endless cycle. I don't know how aware of the movement he actually is. "My brain is just... trying to find out this puzzle before anyone else does, and so I got the message and I leaped at the chance to go."

"And you didn't think Rhys or I would like to know? Or would want to go with you?"

"I said I don't have an excuse!" He flings his hands back to his sides. "Christ, Lia, what do you want me to say? Do you want me to lie to you -- to make up some sort of excuse?"

"No--"

"No, of course you don't. I know that wouldn't work on you. Then don't ask me to explain myself, because I can't."

I bristle and pull my hand away from my phone. "You can have it."

Lio slumps in a way that looks like relief. "I don't want to have it, I just want to borrow it." He passes close enough to grab the phone, but immediately puts distance between us. I watch him move across the room to his sanctuary of Old World computer parts. "I’m going to install that app. It's going to try to register you as an unknown user, and I need to make sure it registers you as Lianel Lions."

I remain standing, trying to figure out what I want to do with myself. I still want to be mad, to have all the lingering anger at my twin boiling away inside my blood. Only I have no outlet. "And how do you plan on doing that?"

He looks up at me. In that split second as our eyes just meet, he looks so much like Rhys and not like me. I wonder if there are ever moments when I look like Rhys, or that Lio is the only one that doesn't have his own face. Borrowing mine, borrowing Rhys’ -- never looking like someone unique. Perhaps this is still my anger talking, because that's unfair to him. "By doing what I normally do."

"Being insufferable?"

This, at least, is rewarded with a huff of laughter "No, by being clever." He hooks my phone up to his computer and, from where I stand, I see the screen light up to reveal the default floral wallpaper.

If there's anyone without an identity, it's me. In my defense, I never felt like I had enough time to actually build one. Nothing beyond the frail little sister that has to be babied for fear that she will break.

I move into the kitchen to prepare dinner, and the apartment is filled with the familiar clacking of the keyboard. If I strain hard enough, I can hear the faint hums of Lio's music underneath it. I should scold him for listening to that music so loud. He's going to ruin his hearing.

I don't know how much time passes before I turn to find Lio standing in the entrance to the kitchen. He's holding my phone out to me, and that in itself is a bit of an apology. "Fixed?"

He makes a vague gesture. "Set up. The app is on your phone now."

"And?"

He has to force himself to return my stare. "It's a promise to you and to Rhys that I am going to get better at communication."

I hold the phone delicately in my palms, finally tearing my gaze away to consider the black screen. “Thank you,” I say. I can see him stiffen in the edge of my vision. It’s more than just a thanks for installing the app -- it’s for the promise and the trust.

When faced with the impossible and the hint of a challenge, he knows better that he not only has to keep his own defenses up, but keep an eye on how it affects the rest of us.

Little by little, Lio is starting to let the walls around us break down.