Mwyr - Chapter Three

[lady_mab]

“So... You live in the town of Wellfox, and you went to school in... Damerel, which is north of here.” Arika ticked off the details on her fingers as she went. The brisk breeze played with the edges of her hair, and she would knock it out of her face only to have it blown right back. “And we are in the sovereign state of Erimed, on the northern end of Stoam. Right?”

“Right!” Sera clapped enthusiastically and raised his glass. “Goddess, it took me years to learn these politics. You are catching on quick.”

She picked up her own cup as well, tapping the lip of it against his. “When I’ve got nothing else in my head, it fills up with information.”

He winced and rubbed his jaw with his free hand. “Oh. I should have considered that.”

“It’s okay. It helps keep my mind off the fact that there is nothing going on in there.” Arika downed her glass, and Sera hurried to pour her another -- the example of a perfect host. The trees on the other side of the pond rustled in the silence. “This is Chan’s farm, right? How did you know him and Tallah?”

He hesitated, placing the stopper back into the pitcher of juice. His long fingers traced over the edge of his cup as he considered what to tell her. “I’m normally a rather graceful person. I mean, I can walk and talk and not manage to trip over my feet. At least, my balance is superb.” He paused again, and Arika waited for him to continue. “One day, I’m running around the fountain in the town square, playing with my siblings and... I’m not too sure what happens, but I slip and fall in. Everyone is watching. It wasn’t a serious tumble or anything like that -- more like a bit of a shock to my pride.”

With gangly limbs like his, she wasn’t surprised he might have tripped. She made a small sound when the silence drew out for longer than necessary.

Sera shook himself back to the present. “The next thing I know, I’m looking up into these big, blue eyes, and that’s Tallah. Asking me if I’m okay or if I needed a doctor.”

Arika watched his expression -- the distant look he had whenever he spoke of her. The soft smile that claimed the corner of his mouth. “Did you love her?”

His head jerked toward her in surprise, and she ducked to avoid his gaze. However, the response she got was not what she expected. He made a strange choking sound, and she braved a glance up, he had the back of one hand pressed against his mouth.

It was only after the panic that had seized her gut started to relent that she realized he was laughing. “Was it that funny?”

“Is that the type of question you should be asking me?” he returned through his gasps.

She stared at him, slack-jawed, before frowning. “I’m sorry, I was just wondering if my appearance was just going to make it difficult for you, too--”

“No, Goddess. No, our relationship was nothing like that.” He paused to wipe a tear from his eye, sighing at the lingering amusement. “She was my best friend. It took a long time for Chan to warm up to me, and a lot of the time I still think he hasn’t. That he put up with me for Tallah’s sake.”

“And Loki?”

The humor left his expression and his mouth snapped shut. Just before she wondered if she shouldn’t have asked, Sera pinched the bridge of his nose. “He was just an ass. We argued a lot, though he always claimed it was a good-natured debate. The nature of theology, and so on. He had a strange view on religion, and I’m very interested in history. I went to a Church-funded school. Around here, that doesn’t mean much. Our schools are just... educational branches of a house of worship.”

“Are there other schools out there that are free of the Church?” She fiddled with the ties on her sweatshirt, picking at the edges of her sleeves.

“Yes, quite a few. Stoam, for what it’s worth, is by and large organized under the banner of the Goddess. The Mother of Mwyr, her Church, and so on.” He made a vague gesture that might have been a shrug. “Ineos, from what I understand of it, values education over religion. Er, that’s not to say that we don’t have good schools here. But Ineos doesn’t worship the Goddess as strongly as we do. They have houses of worship, but it’s not a large concern for them.”

She made a small sound of understanding. “I should like to go there, I think.”

A short laugh escaped Sera, but she had a hard time interpreting the sound with his face turned away. His tawny eyes focused on the lake, watching the dark depths reflect the cloudy sky overhead. “Maybe you will,” he said, more to himself than to her.

Unsure of how to respond, she reached out and touched his knee with the tips of her fingers. “Tell me about your family.”

It took a considerable amount of effort for him to drag his eyes back to her. But when he did, the gaze remained distant. “Why would the Goddess want to know about my family?”

Arika drew back, her hand retreating inside of the sleeve of her sweatshirt. Her jaw worked over words that she didn’t have, willing herself to take back the ones that she already spoke. “Sorry... I just... Thought it would be nice to know.”

As soon as the words left her mouth, his face paled and realization widened his eyes. “Wait, no, that’s not what I meant. I don’t mind, it’s only... I feel like it’s something you shouldn’t trouble yourself with. Being the Goddess and all.”

She set down the cup with a bit more force than she meant to, and the juice sloshed over the edge into the grass. “There are so many reasons why that is stupid. Foremost, if I am this Goddess you want to fawn over, why should I not want to know about everyone? I don’t have any clue about society here. Until half an hour ago, I didn’t even know where here was. I want to learn. About you and Chan, the politics and the religion. And, I don’t know, whatever the fuck is growing in that pond or the forest.”

Her hands reached into the space between them, hovering as she organized her thoughts. “Everything. I want to learn everything about this place. The three moons in the sky, the ring that wraps around the planet. The cultures no one ever talks about, the everyday life of the people here.” She struggled for air, struggled for words. “I don’t remember anything about my home, or my family, so let me learn about yours.”

Sera sat in silence through her rant, jaw slack and eyes wide. “I--” he started, and his voice cracked on that single sound. “I never thought about it that way.”

“What about those who came before me?” As much as she hated using that turn of phrase, she needed to know. She needed to know what they expected of her as their Goddess.

He cleared his throat and shuffled around so he faced the edge of the pond. “Well, for starters, they all woke up knowing they were the Goddess. The Church waited for them with open arms, before turning around to keep them behind closed doors. She never walked among the people. The Deacon and his staff would dictate her schedule during the course of her stay.”

A small sound that might have been a laugh rattled in her throat. “So what makes you think that I’m supposed to be the Goddess when none of those things apply to me?”

It took a long moment before he tilted his head to look at her. His eyes bore into hers, as if seeing her for the first time. “I just do,” he said in the same soft voice as before. He spoke with a certainty that she couldn’t identify.

Her heart fluttered in response to his words. With that look, she thought that she might be able to believe it as well.

Luka barked and chased a bird down to the edge of the pond, and Sera jerked his head away. The moment broke and left an empty pit in her stomach without the reassurance his confidence gave her.

She blinked and shook her head to clear away the fog. When she looked next, Sera fought over possession of a stick with the dog. He won, only to twist and fling it out into the water.

With another bark, Luka leaped in after it.

Sera turned to face her, limbs akimbo and an expression that meant he had made up his mind. “Come on, Arika.”

Again, her heart pulsed. She liked it when he said her name, even though he tended to use it as an apology. It made her feel more real in this world where nothing made sense. “What?”

“We’re going swimming.”

She tried again. “What?”

“You and me. We’re going swimming.” He pulled off his shoes and rolled up the hem of his pants to pull off his socks as well. Bundling them together, he tossed them up the bank in her direction. “Come on.”

Glancing down at her clothes, she began to untie the laces of her boots. “I don’t know if that’s a good idea.”

“You’ve already stood in the pouring rain in those clothes. You can afford to go swimming in them.” He stepped down to the water’s edge, testing it with his toes as Luka swam back to greet him with the stick. “I mean,” he called over his shoulder and shrugged off his waistcoat, “if it’s alright with you. I don’t know how I would feel if the Goddess wanted to swim naked.”

Unsure if she wanted to be amused or angry, Arika yanked her sweatshirt off over her head. She held onto it for a moment, running her thumb over the embroidered red and white crest. She couldn’t remember what it represented, only that it was a piece of her missing past.

She took a moment to enjoy the sun on her skin before rolling her shoulders and dropping the sweatshirt on top her boots. With a grin, she began to pick her way down to the water. “I can’t believe you would suggest something like that to me mere hours after meeting me.”

“Oops, I’m in trouble.” Sera grinned, tossed his waistcoat in the direction of his shoes. He plunged into the water -- gasping at the temperature. His linen shirt clung to his frame as he ducked under the surface. “Can you swim?”

“I’m pretty sure I can, but I have come to the recent conclusion that I can’t trust my memory.” She paused, letting her foot hover over the surface of the water.

He tilted his head to the side, watching her. “What are you waiting for?”

Arika laughed and took the first step in. “Trying to see if I could walk over it.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know,” she admitted, struggling to ignore the emptiness that came with the confession. “It made more sense in my head. Don’t mind me.”

He didn’t respond right away, maintaining his position near the middle of the pond. “Do you really not remember anything from before?” Sera blurted out into the silence that stretched between them.

Her shoulders heaved in a shrug that felt far too heavy. “I sometimes feel like there is something there, hovering in the back of my mind. But then I try to concentrate on it, and it just slips away.” She took a few steps, toes wriggling in the silt. “There’s just so much that I’m missing. From wherever I came from, whatever I’m expected to know here.”

Sera fidgeted in his spot, trying to think of the right words to say to her. “Please, let me know if there is anything I can do to help you.”

“Because I am the Goddess?”

He flinched, and that was answer enough for her. Still, he struggled to explain himself with a few half-hearted arm gestures. “Because you’re lost and alone.”

Arika took a breath, but held onto it, waiting to see what else he would say.

“Yes, I might believe that you are the Goddess made flesh, but you are on your own until the Church arrives. That won’t be for over a month from now.” Sera advanced a step, but froze again when he met her eyes. “And I’ll speak for Chan as well when I say that we will do anything within our power to help you until then.”

A million different phrases ran through her head, but none of them managed to make it as far as her mouth. When she thought she would suffocate on the air trapped in her lungs, she found the easiest question to ask. “And after?”

To her surprise, Sera laughed. A bashful smile took over his expression and he rubbed his forehead with a thumb. “Lady, if you can stand me that long, I’ll stay with you as long as I am able.”

Some of the weight eased from her, making it easier to stand and easier to breathe. “I look forward to seeing the worst you have to offer.”

“Is that a challenge? Because I have seven younger siblings, and I’m pretty sure I have plenty up my sleeve.”

It was her turn to giggle and she responded with sending a wave of water in his direction. “That’s a challenge, alright.”

His eyes lit up and something resembling a smirk curled the corner of his lips. And in that moment, she a part of her realized she might have made a mistake.

#

Cassia grumbled at the potato gripped in one hand, working at a stubborn knot with the tip of her knife. She nearly nicked the tip of her thumb as it came free and grumbled again.

The rest of the peeling process was easy enough. Long curls of the dirty brown skin tumbled into the bowl at her feet. The pale, blocky roots sat on the kitchen table in a line until her mother snatched one up and diced it for the stew.

“There,” she said with a satisfied sigh and placed the knife and potato on the table. “Last one.” With a huff, she stood to dust the lingering remnants of peel and dirt from her linen apron.

“Thank you, honey. Can you go help with the horses as well? Dinner will be ready in a moment.” Nai straightened up, wiping the back of her hand across her forehead.

She frowned, adjusting her skirts. “Yes, mother.” With the bowl in one hand, she pushed open the back door and stepped onto the porch.

The sun burned its way through the thin layer of clouds as the day wore on, bringing a late splash of warmth.

Cassia scattered the potato peels into the flower bed beneath the kitchen window. Leaving the bowl on the porch railing, she stepped down onto the path that led to the stables. She only managed to take a few paces before the sound of an approaching horse froze her in her tracks.

Her father wasn’t due home until the late evening, so it had to be a guest riding in from the town.

The moment the bay mare was in view, she knew who it was. “Chan!” Cassia clutched her skirts in her hand and jogged over to meet her childhood friend by the side of the house. “What are you doing here?” She caught onto the bridle and held the horse in place.

He pushed his straw hat back off his head and smiled down at her. “Sorry for stopping by suddenly. I can’t stay long, but, ah-- I have a favor to ask of you.” He dismounted, patting his mare on the neck.

“Are you sure? Dinner is about ready, and I’m sure Mother would love to have you over.”

“Yes, thank you, but Sera’s up at the farm and I have to make sure he hasn’t burnt anything down while I was in town.” Chan plucked off his hat and scratched the mess of red hair beneath it.

Her smile froze a degree at the mention of Sera. “What’s he visiting for?” As soon as the question left her mouth, her stomach dropped to her feet. “Oh. Yesterday. I’m so sorry, Chan, I forgot--”

He shook his head, smile stilted and posture screaming of exhaustion. “It’s alright. I was out yesterday. Stopped by the orphanage in Damerel.” He had a hard time meeting her gaze, but when she reached for his arm, his eyes flickered down to her touch. “Do you have a moment, or did I catch you at a bad time?”

“Chan, I always have a moment for you.” She tried to catch his gaze, but he stubbornly kept it in the vicinity of their feet. “What happened?”

“It’s-- about the Goddess.”

Smile dropping away altogether, Cassia tightened her grip on his arm to force him to look at her. “Yesterday was two years since Tallah died,” she started.

“Yes.”

“And?”

Chan sucked in a lungful of air and held it in. Either he didn’t want to tell her, or he wanted her to figure it out.

So she studied every little sign of his that she knew. From the way he fidgeted beneath her gaze, to the way that he fumbled with the brim of his hat. And then she understood. She stumbled out of his shadow, back into the sun. It did little to ease the sudden chill that struck her spine. “She’s here.”

Something shifted in his expression that might have been guilt. “At the farm, actually. I had to stop by Wellfox to post a letter to the Church.”

Every single particle of air left her lungs. “Goddess,” she gasped, pressing one hand to her chest. “The Goddess--”

“Cassia, I need a favor.” The pleading tone of his voice made her jerk back to attention, and she found him staring straight at her. “I need your help at the farm. Sera and I can’t do this alone. Not when she looks like Tallah--”

“Don’t.” She hated how faint the word sounded, and she struggled to reel in her emotions. “Don’t ask me that.”

He pressed on despite her refusal. “Please, your faith in the Goddess is stronger than mine. Sera’s, too. You’d be able to see past her face.”

Cassia breathed in deep, both hands covering her mouth. “I can’t. I can’t just drop everything. I mean, this is the Goddess, we’re talking about. The divine made flesh.” She reached out and grasped his arm with both hands. “Chan, you can’t just keep her at your farm!”

“What am I supposed to do? She doesn’t remember anything. I can’t just throw her into Mayor Tyn’s hands and hope for the best.”

She bit back the retort that came to mind first, knowing that she didn’t need to start an argument with him. “You asked me for a favor but I’m going to have to decline. At least, at this point. Let me... I don’t know, let me wrap my head around it.”

A moment passed before he relented and took a step back. “I apologize. But, you’ll consider it, won’t you?”

“Of course.” Cassia lifted a hand, prepared to reach out for him, but pulled it back to fiddle with a loose curl of hair. “What’s she like?”

He shook his head, distracted by his own thoughts. Finally, when she was just beginning to think that he wasn’t going to tell her, he said, “Stubborn.”

That seemed like an odd word to use to describe the Goddess. She was always depicted as ‘compassionate’ and ‘understanding’.

“She looks just like Tallah.” Chan closed his eyes and rubbed his jaw with one hand.

“Tallah was far from stubborn.”

“I know.” He laughed and his chest heaved in a silent sigh. “At first glance, I can see her and think that... my sister is back. But then I see her eyes. And I see the way she holds herself.”

Cassia moved before she could stop herself, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug. “I’m sorry. Are you going to be okay? I know this isn’t exactly what the Church promised you. They will get here as soon as they can.”

He opened his mouth, and the start of a sentence trickled forward. In the end, all he could do was snap it shut. There was something he wasn’t telling her. Wondering if Sera knew, she did her best to hold back her questions. If he wanted her to know, he would tell her at his own pace.

“I’ll be fine,” he muttered and placed his hat back on his head to cut off any further conversation. “You’re welcome whenever you are ready.”

“And you’re welcome whenever it gets to be too much. You know that, right?”

Chan cast her a weak smile over his shoulder as he turned his attention to his horse. “Thank you, Cass.”

Her stomach flipped at the nickname that still elicited butterflies after all the years. “You sure I can’t convince you to stay for dinner?”

“Can’t run the risk of Sera starting some kind of philosophical debate with the Goddess when I’m not there to stop them.” He swung himself back up onto his mare, checking the reins and tack before nudging her in the sides. “Tell Nai and Terrik that I said hello.”

Cassia waved as he urged his horse into a trot. She watched his figure retreat over the gentle roll of the hill that indicated the road from Wellfox. He turned south, toward his farm, and disappeared behind the house.

Two years after Tallah’s death, the Goddess finally appeared on Mwyr.

She remembered the three days they all waited with painful clarity. Chan didn’t sleep. She and Sera took turns sitting with him.

Loki never came home.

At the end of the third day, Chan finally broke and demanded that they allow him to bury his sister. Lost once their prediction failed them, the representatives from Hullenscir agreed and left.

She hated that now -- now he had to watch her become a completely new existence with no memory of him.

“Cassia, are you done with the horses yet?” Nai stepped out onto the back porch, catching sight of her standing there.

Jumping in surprise, she turned and plastered a polite smile in place. “Sorry, not yet. Chan stopped by to ask me over for dinner.”

“Oh. It was the anniversary of his sister’s death yesterday, wasn’t it?” Her mother shook her head, holding the bowl she had left on the railing against her stomach. “Poor boy. I hope he’s doing alright.”

“He is,” Cassia lied, and forced the smile on stronger. “He says hello.”

“Make sure he actually comes in to say it himself next time.” She waved her hand in the direction of the stables. “Now go take care of the horses and then come wash up.

“Yes, Mother.” She waited until the sound of the back door close before her expression crumpled. Her feet carried her down the gravel path to the stables, stomach sinking lower with each step. As much as she wanted to be there for Chan again, he was right when he said that her faith was stronger than his.

She didn’t want to meet the Goddess. Not with all the doubt and hesitation she harbored inside of her.

Once she could come to terms with her own humanity. Then, perhaps, she would allow herself to face the Goddess. But not until then.