lady_mab: (you do things to me)
Oh here we are again, that time of year, etc etc

It started off with a real weird note with friends cutting me off, but I took it in stride easily enough, and turned the negative quickly into a positive. And of course, I can't give enough thanks those who stuck by my side through it all, even as we feel the ramifications of it a year later.

It is ending with me thankfully no longer couch-ridden from the flu (get your flu shots, kids, I forgot this year and paid the price), but also not having made progress on a lot of things that I wanted to to round out the year. No hard deadlines, I completed all of those (or resigned myself to not finishing long ago), but softer deadlines for projects.

This year was a great year for getting to see friends, between the Search for Grog liveshow, driving up to Santa Cruz for Annie's art show, Ren Faire, Gen Con, Flame Con, Yasi & Grace's wedding, and idek so many things in between. I attempted to keep track in my planner, but will I actually fully scrapbook it? The world may never know.

GenCon was a fantastic experience (though there are so many things I'm going to change for next year) and I'm very excited to do round two next year. Not to mention the chance to actually meet a large number of the Table Friends and to tell them in person how much their storytelling means to me as both a creator and a consumer of stories. I got to run a lot of fun games, and next I will actually play in some.

I started a new job! Well, technically, it's the same job, but I got a raise and a shorter commute. Wow it's so much nicer to get home at 530 instead of 6. Also I can see the ocean from my window so like. Hell yeah.

I read a lot of good books this year. A lot of really gay books too, which is like delicious food for my soul. I set out to read 12, and will be finishing up the 40th tonight. I didn't read nearly as many books on my TBR as I should have, but damn. DAMN. I read so many good books. Didn't get to see nearly as many authors, but I got to meet Erin Morgenstern, so, like, life changing right there.

I have no idea what I wrote this year, to be honest. A lot of fic, to be sure. Barely anything original. Did not write anything that I thought I might, but I enjoyed what I have written. I took fic commissions for the first time, and that was a fun experience. I have done three zine fics, two of which will be out next year. Wrote some small games, did not get nearly enough done on my larger games. I did actually manage to post two of my novels in an attempt to get them out there if people want to read them, too, so that's exciting.

There was a lot of good media that was consumed this year, but honestly the things that stick out the most are from the end of the year -- The Magnus Archives, Promare, and The Starless Sea. These things have consumed me quite wholly and I am sure that I can say life changing. Or at least that they will be things that I will hold dear to me for a long time. (So saying, I never really care to immediately rewatch/relisten/reread things, but all three of these I literally cannot get enough content of in my life, and want to consume them all over again). Honorable mentions are Good Omens (which I have watched 3 times) and The Dark Crystal: Age of Resistance.

TTRPGs felt a little slower than last year, but I had fun doing what I have done. August really burnt me out, and I'm afraid my campaigns have suffered for it. But Mutiny got switched to Dungeon World after Sarah & Vicki left and everyone is happier for it (including and especially me), The Band Band has had good plot progress, and the Drive is slow going but I'm having fun learning the characters. Lots of fun things for werewolves, and I'm so excited to see where we go with the next arc (I mean, beyond going to Autumn). Told lots of amazing stories with the FTL crew and I'm so pumped for everything that next year will bring with them. Hoping other games that never got very far will have the chance to be revisited, hoping for more one-shots with lots of different people.

What else, what else?

My goals from last year admittedly fell flat. I did fairly good for the bulk of the time with the music, but a lot of the time I just started to forget to write music down, but I have some good content through July. The recipe thing simply didn't happen. I did surpass the 12 books thing, though, so I guess it was a mixed success overall.

So in light of that, no concrete goals. Just things I'd like to see or do.

2020 visions and aspirations:
- Gay Book club
- Bright Valley Studios getting up & running
- "All plot, no write" projects
- Anything to do with Princess Noir
- More Zines or open submissions
- More commissions
- Revamping Keyleth and Signet cosplays
- AND THEN GETTING MORE PHOTOS OF THEM
- Start book 3

There's probably many that I'm forgetting, but these are just things that I don't have set totally in stone. There are things that I WILL be doing so don't really count as goals because they're already accounted for. (BVS could technically be one of these things, but I don't want to push myself for a 2020 release if I don't think I'll be ready for it).

Looking forward to cons (ALA, WonderCon, GenCon, FlameCon, Big Bad Con for SURE), to concerts and plays, to vacations, and all the creative things that I will embark on and consume! Looking forward to all the friends I'll meet and get to see, and the time we'll spend together. Here's to a new year, let's get ready to rock.

To 2018

Dec. 31st, 2018 01:47 pm
lady_mab: (tears and dreams)
2018 was weird. It wasn't a personal worst, but I wouldn't call it a personal best. It was my first full year being on my own again after Cara moved out last October -- there's always a steep 'learning curve' to your ability to take care of yourself and cope with being the only person in a space after sharing that space for a long time.

So 2017 was bad and ended on a super bad emotional note. The fact that 2018 is not is "good enough" and better than expected.

I turned 30. That was a thing. I grew more comfortable with the fact that I'm content to keep on at the pace that I'm going. There are others who are more motivated than I, and I've learned that that's okay and that there is no standard I should be at or aim for beyond what I am comfortable with.

There were a lot of things I thought I would do that I didn't. A lot of promises I made to myself but I didn't keep. But I made a lot of choices with the mantra of "myself first". I made choices before I could reach a boiling point, but I know I could have gone about many of them in a much better fashion. I was mean to people who didn't deserve it (not completely), and I stepped back too quickly instead of trying to resolve an issue because I didn't want to stretch out something longer than it needed to be.

Sorry to those of you caught in the crossfire, and sorry to those of you who suffered because of my choices, but I don't regret the decisions that I made. I'm not going to say that "if I had another chance I would have done it differently", because that's not something I can guarantee.

I didn't write what I wanted to, but I wrote stuff I enjoyed. I didn't get published like I wanted to, but I didn't try to force out stories for submissions that I wasn't proud of. What I did finish, I love. I didn't try to force a novel in order to finish the series, but I've also resist the urge to go back and start over again from the beginning before even finishing the series.

I built worlds, and I told their stories, and that's going to be something to bring in to the new year, but also, I think I am learning my limits better. So, you know, no big lofty writing goals. Going to do edits for this fic, going to eventually scrub off the serials and see if it's worth anything anywhere. Going to get back to work on a joint project, maybe get a slow start on the other novel.

I've learned how to be self-indulgent and not feel guilty about it. I've learned to be okay with where I'm at and what I'm producing, and to produce things for myself before others.

I saw lots of good shows/plays/concerts, I saw lots of good friends. I didn't read a lot of great books--read some real stinkers, but also read some books by my favorite authors that made everything better, and fell in love with some new ones. Lots of good music this year.

I was in a few podcast, I left those few podcasts, I ended up deciding to come back to one. Friends around me have more successful stories for their creative endeavors, but honestly, mine was just "to tell more stories" and so this is how I do that. I'm now running three games, two of which make me laugh way too hard every time, and the third I've made my players very emotional, so that's a success in my book all around. I also ran a few one shots and played in a few as well. Thanks to everyone who gave me a bit of your time for those, and thanks to everyone in my games for letting me tell those stories with you.

Next year, I've already got a busy first two months, but they're all things I'm looking forward to.

Resolutions are never a solid thing, but here's what I want to do:

  • Find & Try a new recipe every month. At least one. Write them down.
  • Find a new song once a week. Doesn't have to be a new artist, just a new song. Write those down also.
  • Progress on Necromancer game. Don't have to finish it, just have to make noticeable progress.
  • 12 books. I know I can do this many no problem.


Beyond that, just keep telling stories, and just keep learning to balance myself against others. Write the soft stories I want to read. Don't expect anything from anybody, but be pleasantly surprised if it is offered.

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September 2020

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