Mwyr - Chapter Eleven

[lady_mab]

Chan wondered just when he had started feeling so tired all the time. Ever since he found Arika under the tree, perhaps? No, before that. Before he and Sera buried Tallah, before she fell ill and the Church brought the Glad Tidings. 

Before Loki disappeared, before his parents died. Before the orphanage. 

He had been tired for as long as he could remember. Another life before this one weighed down on his shoulders, and made him too old. 

The weight only doubled as he watched Arika emerge from the depths of the house onto the back porch. She wore the strange sweater he had found her in despite the summer heat. The form-fitting breeches she sported were new.

Cairo stepped forward to take her satchel from her. He shot Chan a quick look as he retreated to where the two horses were tethered and waiting. 

Chan closed his eyes and listened to her footsteps approach. When he opened them again, he found her poised on the balls of her feet -- ready to move at the slightest breeze. He had forgotten how much shorter she had been. “Where did you get those riding breeches?” he asked, hoping that some of the intended humor at least made it to his voice. 

Arika had a hard meeting his gaze even though she stood so close. “Turns out one of Sera’s brothers is close to my size. I might owe his family a few blessings once I get to the Church.” Her dark eyes swiveled in his direction, though her face remained angled away. “You, too.” 

Something strange and unfamiliar twisted in his gut. “Don’t say that. Don’t think that you ever owe us something, and there’s nothing we would dream of asking for.” 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Her words were angrier than he thought she might have intended for them to be. “I’m not allowed to pay you back?” 

“I didn’t do any of this because I wanted a favor from the Goddess.” His hands opened and closed into fists at his side, unsure of what to do. “I stopped because--” 

“I looked like your dead sister.” 

That hurt more than it should have. “Arika, don’t. Just... don’t.” His eyes slipped shut a second time, and listened to her suck in a deep breath. A moment passed as he waited for her to say something. 

When nothing came, he looked and found her fiddling with a small stone coin. “Arika?” 

She jumped, and her attention focused on something that was beyond either of them. It was the same sort of exhaustion that he felt in his bones. “Sorry.” The word tumbled stiff and awkward from her lips. “Things are changing for me, Chan. I don’t know how to explain it. But. Inside of me. Over the last few days.” Her fingers worked furiously over the coin. 

It took several seconds before he realized what it was. Unable to stop himself, his hand snapped out and he caught onto her wrist. She stiffened with a sharp gasp but made no further reaction. Behind them, Cairo continued on with his work without pause. “Where did you get that?” 

Arika held out the stone coin. The symbol of Mwyr nestled faceup in her palm. “I told you: things are changing for me. This is one of those things.”

He hadn’t noticed how hard he shook until he reached for the coin. ”This was Loki’s.” It had the same careful etching, the same sand colored stone worn smooth.  

“No,” she said, too quickly. She doubted the truth of her own words. “Someone gave it to me. In a dream.” 

Chan hesitated before handing it back to her. “I always thought... that he had made it. He wore it all the time. It was something he had before coming to the orphanage.” He waited until she stored the stone away in her pocket. He could breathe a bit easier when it was out of sight. “You said you got it in a dream?” 

“It was given to me.” Arika stared at something over his shoulder, but there was nothing there when he turned to look. He wondered what she saw that he couldn’t. “A friend of... someone that I used to be.” 

“What do you mean?” He watched the darkness flickering behind her eyes. “One of the past incarnations?” 

Her shoulders heaved in a mighty shrug. For the first time that morning, her gaze finally came into focus. “I don’t even know anymore, to be honest. What I remember of her feels far more familiar than anything from the past incarnation.” 

His heart stuttered in the confines of his ribcage. It tripped over nothing and beat so hard it could have broken free. “You’re dreaming about the first incarnation? The original Goddess?” Church records never went that far back, so he never learned about her. Her visit to Mwyr was a haze of magic and war. 

He remembered Loki’s words, and the taste of iron on his tongue. 

Cairo’s strident voice cut through the silence between them. “Lady! Are you ready to go?” 

Arika used the moment to shake herself back to the present. The smile he had become so used to seeing on her face bloomed once again. “Thank you, Chan. For everything. I hope I can see you again before this is all over.” She held out a hand, confident despite the slight tremble of her fingers. 

Chan didn’t want to think about what that meant. He took her hand in both of his, lifting it to his lips and closing his eyes so he couldn’t see her expression. He already had to fight against his memory of Tallah as she lay in bed, resigned to her fate. If he didn’t look, he could pretend that the sudden breeze was not laced with the trace of a stranger’s magic. “Don’t lose yourself, okay? Be strong. You’ll figure it out.” 

A strangled noise escaped her mouth, and she might have choked out a thanks. Then she surprised him by throwing her arms around his neck and enveloping him in a fierce hug. 

He sucked in a lungful of air, heart lodged in his throat and making impossible to function. His body didn’t respond fast enough by the time she started to pull back. 

Arika took his hands in hers and squeezed them fondly. “May the Goddess keep you happy and well.” She delivered the blessing without flinching. She turned around before he could respond, and he watched her square her shoulders and lift her chin. “I am ready, Cairo.” 

The dark-skinned man led the horse to her. “Do you need any help, Lady?” 

“I can mount a horse, thank you.” Chan could hear the smile on her voice. She slipped her foot into the stirrup and swung herself astride the mare’s back to Cairo’s obvious shock. When she looked up, eyes once more focusing on him, he no longer saw the lost and confused girl from under the tree. 

She accepted the reins from Cairo. The corners of her eyes crinkled as the sun finished its climb over the distant hills. Her lips moved, but he couldn’t hear what she said. 

Cairo moved to stand in front of Chan. “You have the blessing of the Church for watching of the Goddess these last two weeks.” 

It took a long moment before he could muster the strength for words. He was so tired. His shrug felt more like moving mountains than shoulders. “It’s what anyone would have done.” 

“All the same.” Cairo nodded once in Arika’s direction. “A page will deliver an official letter of thanks and compensation for your troubles.”

Chan wavered in his spot as his stomach churned. He might have laughed, had he the energy to do so. “Compensation? Forgive me, but there is not enough in all of Mwyr to make up for what I have lost. All I care about now is that she makes it to Hullenscir and the Church safely.” 

“She will. I am a guard of Hullenscir, and I am tasked to defend the Goddess with my life.” He pressed a fist against his chest, standing tall and rigid. A braided cord of dark horsehair wrapped around his wrist, and a beaten metal medallion with the Goddess’ symbol etched into the surface dangled from it. “I estimate it will take us little over a week to meet with the envoy from Hullenscir. From there, it will be another week for us to return. Word will be sent to you at each point, if that is what you wish.” 

Chan nodded and took a step back. He had nothing more to say.

Taking that as his cue, Cairo snapped around and strode over to his horse. He swung astride and nudged it in the sides. 

Arika followed suit without hesitation. Just as they reached the edge of his property, she turned and waved. 

Gravity wrestled against his arm as he lifted it in a final farewell. It fell back to his side in a dead flop. 

He had no idea how long he stood there. The sound of their horses faded, and the sun burned warm on the back of his neck. It couldn’t have been too long. Another figure came into view, wide-brimmed hat and brightly colored riding habit taking the place of the two who left. A moment passed before his brain realized that it was Cassia.

She glanced over her shoulder as she rode toward him. The wide eyes became visible when she became within speaking distance. “That was Cairo. Who was that girl with him? He told my parents that he quit only this morning and left without warning.” 

Chan didn’t want to answer her questions. He didn’t even want anyone to speak to him. Yet his feet remain rooted to their spot and his voice crawled back up his throat. “That was the Goddess. He is taking her to meet with the envoy from Hullenscir.” He grasped the horse’s bridle so she could dismount. 

“She rides like a man.” 

“Cass--” 

“Sorry.” She laughed it off and adjusted her skirts and habit. “It’s only that she’s supposed to be the Mother of Mwyr, isn’t she? I would have thought she would have waited for a carriage. Possibly even a palanquin to carry her to Hullenscir in style. And since when was Cairo a man of the Church?”

“Cassia,” he snapped, and she immediately fell silent. “She’s not like that.” That wasn’t what he wanted to say. He wanted to tell her how much this hurt, how it felt like it was happening all over again. He wanted to tell her that it felt like he was going to slip back to the way he had been after Tallah died. 

Instead, he pinched the bridge of his nose and steadied his breathing. “What do you need?”

She ducked her head, the brim of her hat cutting off any expression she might have worn. “I came to see if you had finished working on the wheel for Father.” 

He swore under his breath and scrubbed his hand against his face. “No, I haven’t. Sorry. Things came up, and--” 

“I know. It’s okay.” Cassia reached up a hand, letting her fingers brush against his elbow. “The Goddess happened. I understand that it must have been a rough few weeks for you. Also,” she said, stepping away and taking back her horse from him. “Father wanted me to remind you that your price is still too low. ‘You should stop undercharging us because we are friends’.” She puffed out her chest for a poor imitation of her father Terrik’s voice. 

It managed to wrest a smile from him, though, and that seemed to be her end goal. “I would decline any sort of payment from you for all the help your family has given mine." 

“I’m not too sure my father would accept that proposal.” Still, Cassia returned his smile with one of her own. “I thought I would come and see if there was anything you needed help with. The fair starts tomorrow, and I’ve hardly heard from you since the Goddess arrived.” 

Normally, he would have been riding back and forth between his farm and Cassia’s. Even into town -- taking up repair jobs where needed and lending an extra hand. This year, he struggled to keep up with his own work around the farm. Sera staying to help had taken some of the burden, but not enough for him to do the extra jobs he liked to take on.

“There’s not much left at this point... The seeds were planted and will be fine on their own for a few days. I’ll just need to finish that wheel. I can go do that now.” 

Cassia tilted her head to the side, allowing a sliver of sun to trace along the line of her jaw. “Is there anything I can do to help?” 

He didn’t have an answer straight away. He watched her, his mouth parted and the unformed sentence hanging off the tip of his tongue. 

Her brow darkened and a crease of concern took hold of the corners of her mouth. “Chan? Is everything alright?” 

He snapped out of his daze. “You can check if there are any weeds in the field.” 

This satisfied her, and she started to lead her horse toward the stables. 

His lungs filled with air and he strung his thoughts into words before he could lose them. “You know... I think it’s finally time I cleaned out Tallah’s room.” 

Cassia halted mid-step. She glanced at him from over her shoulder. They studied each other in silence before she turned completely around. “Would you like me to help?” 

“I would like you to stay,” he clarified. It would be something he would have to do on his own, but she had always been a reassuring presence in his life. 

“Then I will stay.” Her smile was soft and a little sad. But he didn’t get the chance to investigate it further when she returned her attention to her horse. 

Chan glanced at the farmhouse, remembering how big it looked to him when he first arrived. He had only been eleven, but after living in Damerel’s bustling orphanage for six years, the farm had so much space. 

He had no idea what he would do with the extra room. Maybe he would rent it out to someone to help with the farm work. It would cut down on the need for Sera to come out to the farmhouse to help.

Maybe he would break the final tie keeping him in Wellfox and leave.

#

It was the second to last day of the fair and Sera had seen neither hide nor hair of Chan and Arika. Even after checking everywhere the farmer was likely to be, the most he found was Cassia with a thin-lipped expression. 

She never had been terribly fond of him for reasons that still remained unknown. Her response to his inquiry was an indifferent, “Chan left not too long ago, but I don’t know where he went.” 

He eventually came to the conclusion that they were avoiding him.

Late afternoon found him finally alone, relieved of fair duties until the evening. He twirled the stem of one of the flowers between his fingers, the rest of the bouquet beside him on the low fountain wall. Three days of buying flowers but not finding the person he wanted to give them to made him feel a bit foolish. 

Day one’s bouquet went to his mother by the end. Day two’s was split between his youngest two sisters Nandie and Gayle. Perhaps this one would go to Priscilla, but she was already judgemental over his behavior as the eldest. There would be too many questions involved if he gave them to her. 

Once the fair ended, he would go down to Chan’s farm. Figure out why they had skipped. He would tell Arika about everything that she had missed. The bouquets he bought for her would not be mentioned. 

A groan escaped Sera’s mouth. He slumped over and pressed his forehead against the palms of his hands. His eyes slipped shut, and he focused on the gurgling of the fountain behind him. Easier to handle than the mental chastising his brain attempted to provide. 

Light footsteps separated themselves from the dim hubbub of the fair. It didn’t take long for them to move directly in front of him, and he saw familiar skirts swirl into his limited view. “Father was looking for you.” 

He took one more deep breath before letting his typical grin take over. “I have the afternoon off, Cissy. Father told me I didn’t have to be back until the evening festivities.” 

Priscilla, only three years younger than him, but still managing to act far older, stood with her hands folded before her. Her new dress still remained pristine, not a single speck of dust among the pale pink flowers. “Yes, but he at least wanted you to remain within an easy distance.” 

“In case he had to put me to work?” 

“In case you decided to run off and shirk the rest of your duties.” The strict expression on her round face wavered and broke. With a roll of her eyes, she moved to sit down on the edge of the fountain alongside him. “Those are nice flowers.” 

He held out the lone bloom he still gripped in his fingers. “Would you like them? You can pretend that they’re from an admirer to keep that boy who has been bothering you off your tail.” 

Her gloved fingers plucked the stem from him and she investigated the paper-thin petals against the midday sun. “These were for her, weren’t they?” Sharp, piercing blue eyes swiveled in his direction. She already knew the answer, but wanted to hear him say it. 

Sera stiffened under her sudden scrutiny. “Whatever do you mean, Priscilla?” 

“That woman who was here talking to Father the other day.” She pulled off her hat, a few loose strands of her dark hair clinging to her temples. She snapped the stem off the flower and slid the bloom into the ribbon wrapped around the crown of her straw hat. “The Goddess.” 

He deflated, mussing his hair as he sighed in defeat. “I don’t want you telling me how much of an idiot I am.” 

“I won’t, so long as you know.” Her hand landed on his shoulder blades, but to his surprise, she gave him a reassuring pat. “It must have been hard on you, seeing her again.” 

“It wasn’t even that. She was like... a completely different person. You remember those texts we read in school about the previous incarnations?” 

She surprised him with a wistful huff of breath. “How compassionate she was. How the girls who became her host were all the pinnacle of good faith and perfect ladies.” Priscilla leaned against him, using him as support when her dress wouldn’t allow her to slouch. “When I was younger, I wished that it would be me.” 

“What?” His laugh was cut short as her gloved hand darted out and pinched him in the side. Reality settled in a moment later and the familiar wave of sorrow reached up to strangle him. “Really? You wanted to be the next host for the Goddess?”

A small sound escaped his sister, and the hand that had pinched him wrapped around his back. “I did, until the Deacon arrived here and announced that it would be Tallah. I watched what happened to you when she became ill, and how much it broke you when she died. And I thought....” Her words hitched, though there was no trace of tears in her voice. Sera reached for Priscilla’s hand, and she returned the grip. “I thought how cruel must she be to try and take the body of someone loved by so many people.” 

“It was the same with the ones before her, Cissy--” 

“I know. We read all the same texts at school, you idiot.” He could hear the flash of a smile. “But the point remains. For Tallah... And Selphie and Henna and Rosalyn. They all had families, friends -- lives. Why would the compassionate Goddess come and take it from them?” 

Sera remembered Arika’s expression when they visited Tallah’s grave. The conflict warring across her face. Caught between remembering something and not understanding it at all. “She’s nothing like the others. She’s not the soft-spoken and mild-mannered girl Tallah was.”

The two of them slipped into silence. The fountain and the not too distant sounds of the market fair blended to a gentle lull. 

Priscilla sat upright and brushed an errant dark curl away from her forehead. “Did you love her?” 

He glanced down at the flowers and considered the question. “Who?” 

“Tallah.” 

A smile worked its way onto his face but he didn’t quite feel it. “She was another sister to me. I never saw her like that.” 

“And the Goddess? Do you love her?” 

He didn’t miss the double meaning of her question, be he pretended he did anyway. “I do, despite everything. A man should love his Goddess, shouldn’t he?” Of course, Priscilla rewarded that reply with a pinch in his side. “I’ve only known her two weeks, Cissy. Don’t tease like that.” 

“I have something for you,” she said. Her hand shifted through her skirt and petticoats until she reached the pocket beneath. “Ugh, I hate these new petticoats. Why does Father think that dressing us like city ladies will make us stop being a farming village? Here.” She handed over a folded parchment, then placed her hat back atop her head.

He trembled as he reached for the parchment, knowing that it was from Arika. His name stared back in broad, confident strokes despite the occasional ink stain as the pen lingered. “What’s this?” 

“She asked me to give it to you whenever I felt appropriate.” Her fingers tied the ribbons beneath her chin and she gave his leg a reassuring pat. “I’ll at least give you a few hours before I tell Father that you’ve ran away.” 

“I’m not--” he started, only to cut himself off. Jealousy flared in his chest as heat rose in his cheeks. Priscilla knew -- his father knew, everyone knew -- that she had left, but no one told him. It had been days since she came to the village looking for his father. “Did she say anything to you?” 

Priscilla dusted off her skirts as she stood. “Only that I should tell you ‘thank you’ and that you shouldn’t do what I know you’re thinking of doing.” She leaned over and took the bouquet of flowers from the fountain ledge. Before straightening up, she placed a kiss on the side of his head. “Thank you for the flowers, brother dearest.” 

Sera remained silent as he watched her leave. She walked with a poise and elegance that, perhaps deep down, stemmed from her childish desire of being the Goddess. She already carried herself with the same finesse as one of the city ladies. 

Once she disappeared from sight, he unfolded the parchment to read the letter. 

Dear Sera, 

I know you’ll hate me for saying this, but I can see you in your father. He speaks highly of you, and so I wanted to keep it a secret when I planned on leaving. You’ve done more than enough for me, so don’t feel obligated to keep playing host. 

I’ll be leaving tomorrow for the Church. Tyn has been more than gracious, giving me a map and a horse. (Apologize to your brother Roan for me! He looked slightly horrified at the idea of me using some of his old riding habits, but I didn’t feel comfortable wearing any that your mother or sister had to offer.) 

Both you and Chan have given so much -- both these past two weeks, and before then. I know you think you’re not worrying me by pretending nothing is wrong, but give me some credit. I am rumored to be the Goddess, after all. I think I would be able to recognize suffering when I see it. 

Thank you for everything. I would have been lost without you by my side. And as much as I feel like I’m walking into this blind, I wouldn’t dream of asking you for anything else. I hope, after everything, I will get to see you one last time before this is all over -- whenever that may be. 

Also, I hope it doesn’t sound too self-centered for me to say ‘May the Goddess keep you well’. I wish only the best for you.

Yours, Arika

Carefully, he folded the letter back up and slipped it into his waistcoat. After a pause, he slapped his hands to his knees and squared his shoulders. “I think I’m about to do something stupid.” 

Sera levered himself to his feet and didn’t let himself hesitate a moment longer. His legs carried him with a purpose that he was still coming to terms with. 

He stepped back into the tide of people, but before he could take a step further a hand clamped onto his elbow. With an undignified yelp, he whirled in the direction of the hand. Words rose to his tongue to scold whatever sibling it might have been.

Instead, he found a man with a bandage across his eyes. His dark red hair might have been styled at one point, but had since fallen into a state of disarray. His clothes were worn, beyond the dirt from a long ride. But he held himself with far more austerity than his manner of dress suggested. 

“You--” the man started, and his voice cracked on the single word. “You know the Goddess.” It wasn’t even meant to be a question. 

Despite the surge of bodies pushing past them, Sera could only focus on the grip around his elbow. The man could have grabbed anyone, and yet had singled him out. He wanted to reply with something witty and shake himself loose, but he couldn’t. “Yes.” 

“Our goals line up, you and I. You wish to follow her, and I need to return to Hullenscir.” He straightened his posture but still stood several inches shorter. “You will travel with me.” 

Seconds ticked past before realization settled in. “You’re--Lord Taen, forgive me, I didn’t recognize you.” 

He brushed the words away with a wave of his hand. “That is not important right now. We have lost much time, for I had difficulty locating you.” 

Sera swallowed down his automatic response, knowing that sarcasm would not be the best. “I am not ready for travel. I still have responsibilities--” 

A frown twitched against the curves of Taen’s mouth. If he sensed any sort of lie, he didn’t say anything. “Two days. I am staying at the inn, so find me there when you are ready.”

He nodded before he realized that the motion wouldn’t he seen. “I will.” 

Taen released his arm and, after a moment of fumbling, patted his hand. “Thank you. We will speak more then, but come prepared to travel.” 

Sera nodded again as he watched the former prince meld into the crowd. No one paid the man any heed, and he moved with far more confidence than Sera thought possible. He pressed his hand to his chest, reassured by the pressure of the the parchment. 

His lungs heaved with air, trying to alleviate the mounting tension. “Forgive me, Lady,” he muttered and closed his eyes against the rush of color and sound around him. “I’m about to do something you will greatly disapprove of.” 

Knowing that, however, did very little to ward off the bounce in his step and the excitement rising in his blood. 

Finally, he would leave Wellfox.