Meliora - Emanate - 57

[lady_mab]

Rhys Darcy

And just like that, Meliora is over.

I swing by the twins' apartment on my way to Temple. I managed to catch them on the phone as they were leaving, and I told them the brief bit that I knew to get them to stay.

We get to go home.

They stare at me with wide, bewildered eyes when they meet me in front of their building. From there, we catch the crowded morning train to the stop near Temple Fusion. They're both still in their school uniform.

The door is unlocked so Lionel pushes it open. Inside, we're met with a strange tableau.

Lysander sits at one of the low tables near the makeshift stage that has taken up residence since the holiday party. He looks exhausted, frustrated, a strange cocktail of emotions that shift constantly on his face.

Ayn sits in one of the booths, glancing up when she hears us enter. Her face is pale, and her freckles stand out even from this distance. She hugs her legs to her chest, and after a moment to process us, sits upright and brushes her hair from her face.

Jun and Zoné sit side by side in another booth. They're silent, dressed in casual clothes.

Kaito grabs my arm and stares at me with an unreadable expression. "Hey," he says. The sound is uncomfortably loud in the muted atmosphere of the room.

Lionel and Liala fidget uneasily. Liala has still been extremely exhausted over the last few days, and only just started going back to school last week. Lionel's memory has been failing more and more with recent events, despite his best efforts.

"What's going on?" I ask, trying to keep the confusion in my tone at a minimum. "The game is done?"

"I'm sorry for having Lysander call you here so suddenly," Ayn says, sliding to the edge of her seat. She tries to push herself to her feet, but I watch her body tremble beneath the effort. In the end, she remains seated. "Lionel, I was wondering if I could have you do something for me."

He glances to me before sliding into the booth across from her. "Yeah. Anything I can."

"There are documents that I can't access. I need you to get them for me." She places a phone on the table and slides it across with a precise move.

Lionel pulls out his laptop, obviously hesitating as he does. "Didn't you tell Lia once that you're friends with criminals?"

A smile makes an effort to cross her face but it doesn't get too far. "It's important to know who to trust." She withdraws back to her side of the booth.

Liala moves to join Jun and Zoné, sliding in across from them without saying anything. She shrugs off her backpack and uses it as a pillow to make herself comfortable.

My lungs creak as I take a heavy breath. Everything about me is on high alert, and there are still no answers. There's just Kaito's text message playing over and over again in my brain. The game's over. You get to go home. The game's over. You get to go home.

We get to go home.

I waver in my spot, and Kaito's grip on my arm tightens before I collapse. "Is it really all over?"

When Ayn's eyes turn towards me, I realize that the spark that had reigned in them so brightly has vanished. They're dark and dull. "Yes. There's just a little bit more work that needs to be done before we can leave." She closes her eyes and combs her fingers through her hair. "I think we'll be able to catch the four o'clock train to New Ox, if everything goes according to plan."

A choked sound comes out of Zoné, though he ignores Jun's hand on his shoulder as he scrubs a hand over his face. He doesn't elaborate.

Lysander remains silent, watching.

A beat passes before the implication of her words sink in. Tonight. We'll get to leave tonight. Not tomorrow, or a week from now, or some undetermined point in the future.

We get to leave tonight.

Everything is moving too fast. There's still so much that I need to do. I need to tell work. I need to inform the twins' school. I have to tell our landlords, our cellphones, our banks. I need to make sure that Liala is okay to travel. I have to make sure that we have somewhere to go back to.

We get to go home.

The ground tilts beneath my feet. Kaito keeps me from stumbling to the floor.

"Hey, hey," he murmurs, shifting his grip around my shoulders to keep me upright. "Are you alright?"

"I need to sit down," I want to say, but instead my voice wheezes and I just shake my head. I try again, but my breath doesn't come. I can't breathe. I can feel everyone's eyes on me. Concern leaking from their expressions.

Someone says something, but I can't answer. Kaito responds instead, or at least I think he does. I can't hear over the ringing in my ears. My mind struggles to maintain a grip in the present, but the list keeps running circles in my thoughts.

I blink, and he's pulling me away from the front door. I breathe, or I try to, and we've reached the door to his office.

The next thing I know, I'm sitting on his couch and he's kneeling on the floor before me.

"Deep breaths," he's saying. His hands are on either side of my face. He drums the tips of his fingers against my temples as he breathes. I realize that he's counting his inhales and exhales for me.

I try.

One tap. I gulp in a mouthful of air, but it doesn't go anywhere.

One tap. This time, my entire torso heaves with the effort of breathing.

Two taps. I exhale.

Three taps in. Three taps out.

We repeat it, and slowly, my heart rate steadies and his voice counting in and out floats through my foggy brain.

I focus on his hands gripping my head. I focus on the feeling of his couch beneath me, of my hands trembling in my lap. I can't go beyond that. Thinking beyond this moment, this room, the exact space between us, means that the panic will start to creep in again.

The silence draws out, growing deeper as I wrestle my breathing to a normal pace.

Katio's hands fidget, and I think he's going to pull away. Instead, all he does is sigh. "I hate seeing you like this."

I choke on a laugh, because I don't have enough breath or energy to give something more convincing. "Then maybe you should leave."

"I'm not going to just ignore you when you're having a panic attack." His voice drops, even though it's only the two of us. "Not when this is my last chance to see you."

His hand shifts around the back of my head, and his fingers card through my hair. I squeeze my eyes shut, ignoring the stuttering flutter of my heart. Now is definitely not the time. This is so unfair.

I move, uncertain of what the final result will be. Will I pull away? Will I sit up? It feels more like an ancient mountain trying to shake itself free of its bonds. "Kaito, I don't know if I'm ready for this."

We move at the same time. He uses the hand on the back of my head to pull me in just as my spine bends forward, obeying the pressure. His free hand curls around mine, warm and dry against my clammy skin.

The trembling hasn't stopped. It's far more noticeable now against the steady force Kaito presents.

My shoulders relax. His warmth spreads through me, a flush that I can't fight, his hand burning a spot on the back of my neck. "I don't want to lose you, Kaito." The words tumble free from my mouth before I can think to stop them.

He makes a sound, fingers twitching. "You won't be able to get rid of me." Something resembling a laugh works its way out of his throat, though I can feel it more than hear it. My face is pressed into the curve of his shoulder. "I'll be calling you all the goddamn time. You do consultations over video chat, right? Don't think you can just quit--"

"I'm being serious!" I try to push myself back, but he doesn't let me. So I reach up and let my fingers curl around the fabric of his shirt. "I feel like I'm falling apart. I always relied on you to keep me together. But this all happening so fast. A few hours, and we'll be gone. I won't have you there, and I have to keep it together for Liala and Lionel."

His grip doesn’t relent, so I do instead. A sigh falls from between my lips and the tension leaves my shoulders. “Yes, I do video consultations.”

Kaito’s laughter echoes in my ear, and he finally lets me draw away. Not far enough to put any real space between us, but enough that I can look him in the eyes. “Call me a soon as you get to New Oxford.”

“I will.”

“And when you get back to Derry.”

My brow twitches. I know he’s just ribbing me, but I have to respond anyway. “We’re not even from Derry. We’re from Banbridge. That’s in Down.”

He’s grinning, but it lacks its usual cheer. Its offsetting even though this is familiar, a joke that he’s used on me a hundred times. “Are you sure? With your precious derriere?”

This time, I can’t help it. It’s unfair, I think, to not be allowed to choose. It would be nice to think that I might have stayed.

I lift my hands to his jaw, ignoring the way that his eyes widen, and pull him in for a kiss.

It’s about as awkward and stilted as the kiss on New Years. And when he doesn’t immediately respond, I think I’ll be gone and he’ll forget this. It’s simultaneously not the worst, and quite possibly the worst, way that this could end.

I start to pull back but his hand on the back of my head holds me in place. Between one heartbeat and the next, he pushes himself up closer with one hand gripping mine, pulling me back in to kiss me properly.

My brain fizzes to a stop. All I can focus on his the feel of his mouth against mine. The thrum of his pulse beneath my touch. The pressure of his hand on my thigh.

Kaito pulls out of the kiss with deliberate slowness. Unthinking, I chase after him. He rests his forehead against mine. “I’m going to miss you so much,” he whispers and my heart breaks a little.

I’m glad that he doesn’t ask me to stay. As much as I hate the fact that I have no choice, I would hate it even more to have to tell him no. It’s the same way that I can’t ask him to follow, or to wait.

This is what we fought so hard to get, and all I can think about is that it’s so unfair.

“Before…” I start, uncertain.

When I don’t continue right away, Kaito makes a small sound of encouragement. “Before what?”

I’m too distracted by his proximity -- by the lingering taste of his kiss. “You asked if I’d forgive you for acting without thinking. About New Year’s.” My thoughts are coming out as a disjointed mess. Strung together haphazardly.

He pauses, then pulls back far enough to study my face. “Honestly, I think I spent over a week leading up to that moment thinking about it.”

This isn’t the answer that I expect. This entire time, I had no idea why he did what he had done, because no excuse had been presented. Never did I allow myself to think that he acted that way because he actually wanted to.

“And yes,” he adds, even though I hadn’t thought beyond my initial statement, “I would do it again.”

“Oh.” My heart is lodged somewhere in my throat. I cough to try and clear it, and give another breathless, “Oh,” before he’s kissing me again.

There’s a muffled commotion coming from the main bar.

Kaito jerks back, surprised, and stares at the door. “What the fuck,” he mutters, pushing himself to his feet.

He takes a step before realizing that my hands are clutching his sleeves. “Do you think you can stand?”

“If I don’t now, I never will,” I admit, and let him help me to my feet.

Together, we move from his apartment through the storage room and into the bar. Ayn is on her feet, and she looks about as strong as I do at the moment. Only there’s no one at her side holding her up.

Lysander stands back several paces. He is the only one to glance our way when we enter the room, confusion coloring his expression.

Ayn lifts her voice to address us. “Now that we’re all here, let me introduce you to the Assistant Program Manager: Henrik Braum.”

My attention slides to Temple’s front door, where the sandy-haired man who took our names at one of the first meetings stands with his hands folded before him. He releases a strained breath through his nose.

“Ayn--” he says, and she practically snarls in response. There’s something more here -- something that would explain the lines of anger in her shoulders and the fact that she stands as a lone wall to separate the rest of us from him. “Miss Starling, I asked you once before: please hand over the documents that your team stole.”

She holds out her hand. “Lio, if you could.”

I watch my brother unplug the phone and slip through the tables to reach her. He places it in the palm of her outstretched hand.

“You got everything?” she asks, and he nods. “Good.” The muscles of her arm tense as she hurls the piece of equipment at the floor. “Go to hell.”

The sound of shattering plastic and glass sends a jolt down my spine. It echoes in the silence of the room.

Braum stands with his eyes closed and strained patience evident on every inch of his face. “You are making this very difficult. You’ve already won--”

Fake laughter shoots out of her mouth. It starts off with a slight stumble, then she has to use a table to hold herself upright as she is overcome with it. “Oh, I am making things difficult? You mean this whole farce was, what, a walk in the park?” She sobers immediately and takes a warning step forward. “Tell me again how we are the ones making things difficult for you.”

He opens his mouth to say something -- to defend himself or explain -- but Zoné chimes in from his seat.

“Just fuck off, yeah? I think you ALICE lot have done enough damage around here.”

And that suddenly explains what we are: A small collection of people damaged by ALICE. We show the most visible scars of the months under their influence as they herded us through hoops and mazes while calling it a game for information.

Ayn turns her back on him and looks at the rest of us. “We’re done here. We are the first group that gets to leave the city.” Her gaze shifts to me, and then to Kaito. “You’ll have to take the shot a few more times before the effects of the Benzodiazepine are cycled out of your system. Two or three months, tops.”

“How…” Kaito starts, glancing around. “What is even going on right now? I feel so out of the loop.”

I feel like we missed more than a few minutes when we had been in his apartment. There’s a whole other chain of events that brought Ayn here with Lysander’s team. But judging by the look on her face, it’s going to have to remain a mystery until she can put it into words.

“You have five hours to pack anything that you need, make any calls you have to. I’m sorry for such short notice. When you’re done, Henrik here will personally come to pick you up and drive you to the train station if you need it.” Ayn’s smile is thin and brittle as she turns it in his direction. “Won’t you?”

The man studies the broken remnants of the phone scattered about the floor between them. He mutters something under his breath before shaking his head.

“We’ll call you when we need you,” she says with such a tone of finality that he can do nothing but stare at her in shock.

And then, amazingly enough, he leaves.

“Do we really get to go home?” Liala asks. Her voice shakes, faint and weak. “Today?”

At first, no one responds. Ayn stands with her head lowered and her hands clenched into fists. Lysander, who has been silent this entire time, finally moves to her side and puts an arm around her.

Lionel and I exchange glances, and his eyes echo Liala’s question.

“Yes,” I finally say. Excitement and nervousness rushes through me. Kaito’s warmth at my side and his hand in mine creates a cliff that I struggle to keep my balance on. “We’re going home.”